FEAR

i think fear is one of the most bizarre concepts--it's all self-inflicted. i think we choose fear and for reasons i'm not sure why.

i've said "no" to a lot of risks this year, and this past week my roommate sarah challenged me to say "yes" and it was one of the most rewarding things i've done.

why did i keep saying no? what was it that was holding me back?

i think i lacked confidence in my skills & had this incredible fear of disappointing others. but who told me i wasn't qualified? these people knew what i could do, they were asking for they knew i could do... so why did i let the fear of failing cripple me? if i didn't risk these opportunities, i would never grow and experience what life had to offer.

i really started thinking about fear the other day, going through different examples of my life about why i was fearful and realized that i really don't have anything to lose. the reasons behind my fears were stupid and irrational.

and what was so bad about failing and the materialization of my fears? it's never the end all be all. even death: it's not the end; we have a hope so much higher than that. & time after time i've found that resiliency is one of the most important qualities to have in a successful, happy life. that stupid chumbawumba (did i spell that completely wrong?) song: "i get knocked down, but i get up again... never gonna keep me down." i've applied to a ton of things i didn't get, i've been rejected and also hurt in relationships, i've seen how risks can go wrong...but why dwell on those things? why not take away two cents, and move on to bigger and more exciting challenges.

one of my professors the other day said "get ready to be uncomfortable for the rest of your life." my stomach knotted. i didn't like the thought of not being used to things i already know, but i did like the thought of meeting new people and accepting new challenges. thriving in the discomfort is exciting; throwing away my fears is relieving.

i guess the whole point of this is that i want you to think. i want you to take one of your fears & really walk through the process of why you are afraid. it's crazy to see how you're afraid for no reason, but better yet just how to combat that reason.

-p